Miracles Come

“I’m sorry for not posting in a while”

I hate reading these lines on blogs. So I’m not going to say that. I am glad I have not posted in a while. There has simply been too many things going on around me to devote the emotional attention this blog deserves. I needed to spend all my energy focused on the current situations in order to appreciate them and navigate while maintaining sanity. In a short month my wife and I have moved to Colorado Springs, I started a new job as vice president of Vacation Rentals with PMiTravel of Colorado Springs and started taking full-time classes on real estate while maintaining daily triathlon training and attending AA meetings. Typing that out honestly makes me more tired than going through the motions throughout the day. I’m really not certain how I’ve maintained sanity. I rise at 4 am to train. Hit class at 9am staying plugged in till 4pm. Work on Vacation rentals in the evening and squeeze meetings in where I can.

I honestly don’t feel tired. I don’t feel like it’s too much. I have the support of my wife, family, friends, and all of you readers out there that find inspiration in my story. Being able to do these things are the greatest blessings a man with my past can have, and I owe it all to the great God of this wondrous universe that swirls around me while I mosey through the motions of life. At times this journey feels quite effortless, similar to walking on water I suppose. It all feels like a complete miracle. Allow me to expound on my experience and show you how it’s different from a not to distant past.

A few months ago my wife and I found out that we would be bearing a baby boy come February! yeepppeee!! This is the greatest news I could imagine. But, I have now learned that when news like this comes (with a sober mind) attention shifts dramatically.

In nature when something happens it causes another event to unfold. Again, I have learned this is only the case when one has a sober mind that is not charged on selfishness and self-centeredness driven by the next high. I was in the thrones of heroin addiction when I learned my firstborn was on the way. No message from nature could penetrate my being or change my trajectory. My(self) was the universe. The only cause and effect I experienced in those days was release when the serum hit my vein, pain as it subsided. My drive to get out of bed was to find the chemicals to keep me high. I was so far detached from reality that I made no changes even in the face of the single greatest miracle nature can bestow on a man. This distance sickens me, but it also brings great joy at the same time. For now I am free! I can respond and adapt as nature takes it’s course through the great passage of time. When I am not trying to control and orchestrate the world for a high/fix the things I need to do occur rather effortlessly. But, they are still not easy. Let me explain…

Changes…

Looking back over the past 6 months changes cascaded down like floodwaters in a slot canyon. Like eating when one is hungry, these changes required very little thought as they were quite necessary. My wife and I are both rambling souls. We get itchy feet and travel often. We do this out of passion, but one reason was a general sense of discontent in the town we had met. During our first conversation we shared a desire to live somewhere that was not a ski town, and one with more sunshine. However, We didn’t move on this thought. I’d venture to say if we had not heard the news of child we would most likely be anticipating the ski season crowds right now. Instead we are in Colorado Springs… And this happened SUPER fast.

I drove a U-haul 1,700 miles without a house to put our belongings in. My gas tank ran on our last few dollars and a whole basket of faith. Somehow, there was no fear attached to this change. We knew that following our hearts could only lead to great blessings. It was effortless, but not easy.

Before sobriety a change like this was filled with fear and required tons of thought and effort. I know, I did it. After my first son was born my ex-wife and I decided to move to Pinedale, Wyoming. We had no place to live. Due to my heroin addiction it was our only option. We decided this out of fear, not out of heart. The fears were so great I could barely function. I spent absolutely no time concentrating on things that needed to be done. Rather, I spent hours finding a doctor that would prescribe me Suboxone (opiate management drug since I didn’t have a dealer) and another that would supply me with xanax. On the way down with the U-Haul I shot myself up with an packed an overlarge needle with 6-weeks worth of left-over cottons filled with resin from Dilaudid, Roxy’s, Oxycodone, and Heroin. This high-powered mix of opiates saturated in moldy cotton fibers resulted in sheer agony. Within minutes I could not see straight and began throwing up inside my car. I convulsed with cold sweats for two days and was unable to lift my head. The trip was impossible, my addiction was too big. It’s only by the grace of God that I survived and did not injure anyone on the highway.

My first round with the thrill of child was filled with fear, uncertainty and sickness. This time has been much different. It has been filled with faith, fulfillment, joy, health and confidence. Each step I took before sobriety was for the next high in a state of fear, with disregard for my son. On this move I procured a house within two days arrival with the U-Haul. The same day I moved into our new home I was offered a job to be the Vice President of Vacation Rentals at a local real estate firm. Now they are putting me through real estate school so I can sell houses and work with investors! Before sobriety this type of change nearly killed me and now it is filled with miracles that honestly have required very little effort but a whole shit load of hard work at the same time. So effortlessly may not be the word because my days are filled to the brim with activities that seem like that should drive a man insane. But miracles keep unfolding. Gratefulness keeps expanding and energy keeps being restored.

If none of these miracles were occurring I could spend hours on my blog every day. But they are and that I why I can’t legitimately say I am sorry for not posting in a while. It is with great joy I say that. Experiencing these miracles may take me away from the blog- but the stories keep adding up and I’m excited to keep sharing them with each and every one of you!

With love, More to Come!

recovery, sobriety, miraclesMark TurnipseedNovember 24, 2018addiction, drug addiction, opiates, recovery, faith, triathlon, sobriety, miracles, baby, changes, new life

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