I Reached Chronic Fatigue- What now?

Chronic Training Load and Fatigue

The Challenge of Recovery for and Addict

Fatigue.

I grew up playing sports. In the world I was born into it was believed that playing sports was good for boys so my parents had me in at least one sport per season. I am used to training. I am used to feeling tired, run down and ready to quit. I don’t remember how many times I tried to quit a sport. Somehow, each time my parents would find a way to get me back on the field or the court. I am very happy they did this because as a child I wanted to run away during the first sign of discomfort. Discomfort is like a maze that your mind enters and adults seemed to be there to help gently urge us to continue through it. They encouraged me to keep going when I kept running into walls. They knew that after trying enough walls I would eventually push my arm through a hole that would illuminate a path towards the treasure. But I had to keep on pushing. Discouragement came often. 

In hindsight, I would place myself around average ability across the spectrum of sports that I was involved in. I was not a star at any of the disciplines, so I had to work harder. There were always a handful of boys better than me. Swimming was one of those that came easier for me and I performed very well at, but each practice was still hard as shit. I don’t remember struggling with competition for two reasons. One I was very young and can’t remember much of it anyway. Second, rumor has it that I was one of the best in any pool that I got into to. But like I said, I don’t remember much of my childhood swimming career so the second point is based on stories that my mother shares with me. 

Swimming is unique. Unlike some of the other sports like baseball, basketball, football, golf or tennis you cannot take it easy just because it comes natural to you. Granted, at the collegiate and professional level all these sports require great effort. But unlike other youngster sports I participated in, every practice was just as hard as the next no matter how well you swam (I’m learning cycling and distance running are much the same). Ability and efficiency just dictate how far and fast you are expected to go in any given practice. The coach would shout out the laps we had to do and the strokes that we needed to do those laps in. Then we would get swimming. I remember having a few more laps than some of the other kids and I also remember my coach yelling something I remember to this day and hear echo while swimming laps, “breathe under your arm pit-not in front of you!” Come race day, I remember winning medals and never having a difficult time. Every day after practice I wanted to quit, but with the encouragement of my mother I continued for a few years. Finally, I was allowed to quit. However, this was not because I was tired, weak, or run down. I got like that after every practice. This was because I did not like wearing speedos and wanted to spend more time playing other sports like baseball, basketball and football. Therefore, I guess my parents assumed I had made it through the maze since I had pushed through the urges to quit based off being tired, weak, and run down.  Now I had a legitimate reason and a few good alternatives. 

Because of the valuable lessons I learned in swimming as a child and other sports, triathlon has come easy for me. Wait, not the race- for me the races are hard because I have not yet learned to manage my race anxiety. Triathlon training has come easy for me. Not because I am a natural at cycling or running. In fact, I started out a very poor distance runner and excellent sprinter. It has come easy for me because I was raised to push through exhaustion and find the light at the end of the tunnel. Even though I was a poor distance runner, I was able to subject myself to long runs and learn enough while huffing and puffing to tweak my form from sprint to distance, thus improving my ability. Even though I wasn’t the best road cyclist I was able to push through the grueling sessions where your legs and lungs feel like they are on fire. I was able to do this because early on my mind was trained to endure through practice like it was race day. Bite the bullet and get through it. 

            But Fatigue… The lesson being learned…

Fatigue is something that is actually good to experience to a degree. For those non-fitness nerds I will spare you the numbers and science and just say that in each training session I am supposed to reach fatigue to build fitness. This helps me to increase the chronic training load that my body is able to bare and helps develop the capacity for long hauls like a marathon or triathlon. It is said that you want to do this very gradual. Chronic training load increases as you reach fatigue more regularly and fitness is raised. Important to add, but more science than I wish to continue with, is that after you reach this training load an athlete needs to recover properly before they push the limit again. My early childhood training has set me up for success in reaching my chronic training load every session that I have, but in this case it may have set me up for failure. Because I wanted each training session to go as hard as possible I increased my training load too much each day for four weeks. This is okay to do with balance, its called overreaching. I love this term because I love doing it. I love to reach passed my threshold and experience the pain. (My wife thinks I’m crazy, but when we are out mountain biking I get more excited the longer the uphill we have to climb and the shorter the downhill). Overreaching the threshold and fatigue and pushing through it builds maximum training load and thus fitness. Short bouts with fatigue using overreaching are great. But when you do one thing too often and too much then it becomes chronic. 

This is where I rest at today. Two days ago I hit a wall during a brick session- one hard hour on the bike immediately followed by one hard run. It was supposed to be 25+ miles of intense interval cycling followed by 6 plus miles of interval/tempo running. I had a difficult time doing either. This happened because I entered into a state of overtraining. Over the last week I had noticed that it was getting extremely difficult for me to get my heart rate into the threshold zone during indoor cycling. I felt like I was cycling to outrun a grizzly bear in order to raise my heart rate to the zone I was supposed to be in to increase training load, reach fatigue and build fitness. I did not pay attention to the numbers and kept pushing harder each time in order to reach the heart rate zone and enter fatigue. What I did not notice is that I was increasing my training load far too quickly without recovery. 

Indoor cycling is the easiest place for me to assess training load because I’m able to see my power output, heart rate and adjust resistance/cadence immediately. So when I noticed two days ago that although I was able to push on the bike to achieve the speed and distance, I was not able to push hard enough to keep my heart rate in the desired zone. Before overtraining, my heart rate would match the power output. Two days ago they did not match. The resulting run was horrendous. I fell into a 9:20 minute miles. Where I was performing 6 + miles in 45 minutes I now only achieved 4. I had reached over training. I reached chronic fatigue. 

Reaching this state is a first. Growing up my mind told me to quit, thousands of times. During triathlon training my mind tells me to quit each training session. I’m always finding ways to keep pushing. I use everything: mantras, inspiring role models, dreams of being a father soon, fantasies of being a professional, aspirations of being great- all the normal things. They help me push through that one practice. Two days ago my mind continued to work magic in this way. It continued to help me push out the same numbers on the cycle- in fact it worked so well that my body put the numbers out even though my heart refused to. This is why it was so difficult to get my heart rate into the range I was supposed to be training at. I put forth the effort and the numbers- but the heart was not there. 

Now I have to rest. I have gone the limit. I have beat the game and overcome the mental block. I have surpassed the mind but can not refuse the message in the heart. If I continue there is a serious chance that I will not be able to compete in the upcoming Ironman in North Carolina. It is now essential that I take a week break. It is perfect timing because my wife wants to go on a vacation. I do too, don’t get me wrong. But I was very nervous to put down training for a week. I was going to continue training through the vacation and write about the challenges of this. Now, I can’t do that- I must rest. Now I can share the challenges in recovery. 

Recovery...

Recovery has always been hard for me. I have never been forced to do it in athletics because of an actual physical limit, but now must and I am experiencing the same type of anxiety I used to feel when my body would say, “enough heroin, Mark!” or, “No more liquor please!” A severe hang over, or extreme automatic repulsion, like throwing up is the body saying enough. I learned however, in addiction to heroin and alcohol, when the body says enough and you push it further it gives up and allows you to continue. Yes, this lead to overdose and bouts with alcohol poisoning. But, I could always party on and thus eliminate the anxiety for the time being. When I woke up with a hangover, I never gave myself the luxury of recovery. My solution was to drink more, further increasing my illness. If I try to limit the anxiety of not training in this recovery week with the antidote I learned in addiction I will be falling into the same cycle. I will be hurting myself tremendously and affecting my ability to perform in the long run, much like use and abuse of drug and alcohol had on relationships, school and work. Therefore, this week will be a test. Not the typical test you would think of triathlete going through; how far and for how long can he push it? Instead this will be a test of how little I can get by with. Instead of training to the maximum load I will need to maintain a minimum load. This is a concept that is new to me, which will cause great anxiety…. Wish me luck!!