Thank You Whitefish, Montana. Thank You God

Tomorrow I bid farewell to a large chapter of my life. The boxes are packed and shoved into the corner of an entry way in a house that holds many memories. Tomorrow I will leave them behind. Those memories will be latched inside the white picket fence that staples the garden together. The snow will settle and after a few months a new spring will come and all my memories will melt into the fertilizer to help new flowers bud bringing new joys. Without the shit in soil there would be nothing for life to grow on. So as with any well written chapters, this home has seen it’s fair share of growth, but also decay.

Many moons ago I came to this town an alcoholic heroin addict and Monday I leave a new man. The love in this community has created a world of change. My wildest dreams are beginning to come true, largely due to the support surrounding this home. As I grew along the timeline of life I began to loose sight of everything. In fact, I had no desire to live unless I was skiing or at a Widespread Panic show. Drugs and alcohol that once brought release stopped working. The fun boy had become a dull man. But now, a man who couldn’t get out of bed without a shot of whiskey and a needle full of opiates is lacing up bike shoes at 5am as a triathlete. A guy who lost all belief in love now walks beside a woman who sheds it like a willow blowing on a windy fall day. A boy who thought his life was over now has a baby on the way who can soon join on this mysterious walk through a mans wildest dreams.

With thanksgiving and honor I am able to leave this home. Without remorse I will travel away tomorrow. I can imagine a farmer leaving his crop to the harsh conditions of the desert where he bled over many stones to create a space for life. His head would hang low over his horses mane as his saddle bags swung over back full of the last fall harvest the land could support. But, I leave on a different note than the weary farmer. Unlike the farmer, I know the flowers I planted will continue to multiply because the land is rich with love.

I know the town itself did not do this. As I sit here thinking about leaving I reminisce the countless hugs exchanged over the last week. Some of those happened on the street, some in the grocery store, some at the gym and even a few came to my front door on a special trip to deliver their love. Without this kind of support I can’t honestly say that I would be sitting here. Sure, I had to tap into the healthy side of the community. But, the love and acceptance was here regardless. The bottom line is Whitefish, Montana is a great town to be a drunk in and probably a good place to die. I now know it’s also a good town for sobriety and life! I’ll go ahead and say if you are looking for sobriety be cautious before entering, Whitefish is an alcoholic town with a ski problem. It supported my alcoholism and drug addiction for some time and they seemed glad to abide. However, when I chose to look and live life a little differently I realized its not a drunk ski town, it is just an epic ski town with a big love problem.

I will miss it.

So I bid farewell. Thank you Whitefish for a wonderful decade and thank you God for the love in this town that helped me see heaven from my little hell.

Mark TurnipseedOctober 2, 2018Whitefish, Montana, ski town, alcohol abuse, drug addiction, moving, changes, recovery, love, God

Nov 17, 2020

Coming Out and Relationships with My Sons

Coming out as gay has turned out to be the most beneficial thing I could have done with my sons. I was so scared it was going to hurt them. But, turns out our relationships have become closer and more authentic and more satisfying.

Sep 12, 2020

Married, Coming out, Divorce: It Hurts

Coming out while married is a very hard thing. This is the type of thing that we can prevent by having a more open and accepting world. Even if you don't believe in gay-marriage I'm sure you believe in alleviating the type of pain I caused by forcing myself to believe I was straight. We can do this with kindness and openness.

Aug 15, 2020

Under Pressure: What it's like coming out after 30 years

Coming out as gay at 33 is hard. When most kids were finding out who they were in high school, I was busy hiding who I was. Now, I’m working on developing that person with the added pressures of being an adult and sometimes it just feels like too much. In this article, I talk about how I’ve learned to cope. Sober, in peace, and effectively.

Aug 14, 2020

Inspect Belief Patterns, Not Laws: moving past LGBTQ discrimination

We can make as many laws as we want to protect a race, a sex, a religion, or sexual identity but until we make a change in belief patterns the laws will have little effect. For LGBTQ discrimination, I notice through my own homophobia, that I need to begin seeing this community as a positive. When this happens, I more fully accept the gay in me and the gay in my brother or sister. Try it and see if it works for yourself too.

Aug 7, 2020

Speedo Awakening: A release from shame

Shame over my body started when I was a child. I thought that because I liked boys that I should have been born a girl. But a speedo in my 30's allowed me to recognize the man I was and the body I now loved and cherished.

Jul 24, 2020

Body Shame

Body Shaming happens we make someone feel ugly, gross, and unworthy because of their body type and I've experienced it in every phase of my development. When someone asked me how I built confidence in my body, I was instantly drawn to question my own confidence and face my own shame.

Jul 17, 2020

I Owe Apologies

I didn't think this blog would lead to me coming out as gay, but it did and when it did, I didn't think there was much left to share, but there is. There is more to share now than ever and for me it's more important than ever to share it all. The good, the bad and the ugly. Here’s to a new journey!

Feb 11, 2020

What Coming Out as Gay Does Not Mean: The Final Post

The final fear I had to face in the trials to triathlon story is revealed in this post. It is finally time to accept fully who I am, regardless of the consequences and step out with pride and confidence. I’m gay.

But, what does this all mean? What is going to change? What is next?

Oct 13, 2019

The Truth Behind The Smile

My psychological make up has made me particularly sensitive to the horrible things I have learned to call myself. May these thoughts arise from others, social-stigma's or diagnosis, they don't have to have power over me any more. But sometimes they do and when they do, I get to grow.