Becoming Father
“I found ready grown carob trees in the beautiful world; as my forefathers planted these for me so I too plant these for my children.”
7 days ago My wife Gave birth to our beautiful baby boy, Emmitt Wolf Turnipseed.
I consider this past week to be the among the most trying of weeks I have faced. I knew life could get hard. I knew there would be hurdles to jump through and road blocks to navigate around. In fact, I expected these things to occur once I made the choice to get sober. I expected storm fronts to settle on the homestead blowing dust and wind chill into my home, shaking the very foundation. The price is steep for the freedom inherit to this way of living. Feeling the glory of sunrises so expansive they tickle the soul, hearing music around every corner bringing life to every stone and seeing love spring forth from every weave in the great tapestry of time. It all comes at a cost I sometimes bemoan and loathe. The land I live on today was bought at a high price and I am learning it is maintained with heavy fees and hard work.
a few hours after birth He was hauled off from our arms for x-rays and they discovered he would need immediate surgery in order to survive.
Theres no option to take shelter under ground out here in the wild realm of recovery once a storm settles. This has caused many men to head back for the warm luxuries available in this substance rich world. Only a few make it when the realities of the wild settle in. Each season out here seems to be followed by even harsher conditions. Summer is too hot and dry and full of dust and smoke. Winter parches your lips with frost and wind thins your waist to the bone. Spring thaw sends cold floods off the mountain that make men yearn for death by fire.
Within 24 hours of birth our newborn was under ANESTHESIa with no clear portrait of how he would fare.
The cycle is enough to drive a person away from their heart and love. It has caused men to leave family to seek shelter with a town’s mistress while their crops wither. But, this is not the legacy I will leave for my sons. The wild that I face today can bring greatness. The harsh winds are the same ones that have led men to sail despite all odds and discover that the world is spherical. The heavy loads are the same burdens men overcame to show us that oppression and racism don’t have to be tolerated and left for future generations but can create strength and endurance. These are the same odds and desperation that people like Victor Frankl used to survive the holocaust and show his children and children’s children that they did not have to loose their faith and hope no matter what the situation was.
A week later as I write we are about to be able to hold Baby Emmitt for our first time since his birth…
As a recovering alcoholic and drug addict the odds in this situation are truly against me. Most of my friends and family were quick to ask, “How are you doing?”… “Are you handling it well?”… “Are you staying healthy?” I’m sure that most people would think that the drug or drink were something of a temptation or possibility during this time. Rightfully so, in the past getting faded would be my first thought. There would have been no other option. But not now, because I have chosen a new life. Does a man living among the mountains and rivers allow his fret of a winter storm to bring up dreams of skyscrapers, concrete and Mcdonald’s? Only if he wants to die. Recovery has shown me that when fear rises and threat approaches only the immediate things should be dealt with. When a storm is on the horizon the roof must be secured, the meat packed inside, firewood gathered, water procured, crops covered and guns loaded. There is simply too much work to dream about the way I used to handle a situation like this. It is very clear what must be done.
The truth is that there is a spiritual battle being fought around me. However, because I surrendered to the freedom and life the spirit of God has available for us travelers I do not have to fight while my homestead is blown to smithereens. I only have to put on my armor and make sure my house is in order, secured and protected. The battle passes, the storm settles and when it does my crop thrives and glory and peace is restored to the Turnipseed farm.
Now I can rest easy with my family and feel grace do for me what I could no longer do for myself.